“I only had sex with my husband once to get pregnant. People consider us weirdos because we don’t go to bed with each other ”- Real life

photo: Adobe Stock, Prostock-studio


I met Szymon at juwenalia eighteen years ago. We were tearing our throats for a song neither of us knew the lyrics to. He tried to correct me, I informed him that I knew better, it was my favorite band after all.

Then, in order to settle our dispute, he invited me to her concert, which was to be held in Wrocław two months later. I agreed, I couldn’t let go … But as we were both impatient by nature, we met two days later. At a coffee table, we read that neither of us was right about the text, and I understood that he was my future husband.

I’ve never met someone with whom I would feel like coming home after a few hours. Simon felt the same and the meeting turned into a datetwo, three, ten. The tenth was for the promised concert. After the motel concert, we had a candlelit dinner, we danced to a slow song on a concert reprise, we talked to the rude taxi driver and… we sat down to watch a movie.

Then we went to sleep. Literally

Neither of us took a step towards intimacy. We didn’t even mention a word about it. On the second day, we returned to Wrocław together, and on Tuesday we made an appointment for dinner. Then we played cards until late at night and dozed in front of the TV, cuddled under a blanket on the couch.

And it stayed that way. Dating, conversations, the feeling that we are made for each other. The topic of sex didn’t come back until the anniversary two weeks before Valentine’s Day.

– Ola – Szymon began, pulling a beautiful bonsai tree in a decorative pot from behind his back. – In my life I was not as happy as I am with you. Thank you for this year together.

I grabbed the tree, put it on the table and I took Simon in my arms. I loved hugging him, and it wasn’t just his favorite teddy bear sweaters.

“Simon … you know, I must love you …” I whispered.

He laughed out loud. Of the two of us, it was easier for him to talk about feelings.

“I know,” he replied. – I you too.

– I’m fine with you. Best. But…

– But?

I let go of him and we lookedin his eyes.

– Who are we for each other? – I asked. – Friends?

“Too, too,” he said.

Something changed in his expression and body language, and he tensed, and I almost gasped, thinking that our “relationship” was over. We weren’t a real couple. We didn’t have an affair.

– Ola, I know that we have only been together for a year, but …

– But?! I shouted as Simon suddenly dropped to his knee and reached into a bonsai pot, where he dug a ring out of the ground.

– But I can’t imagine my life without you. Marry me, be my wife.

There was nothing in the world that I wanted more. Not even one. However, when I reached for the ring, I froze motionless.

– I can’t.

Even then I could tell when he was lying

I forced myself not to look away like a coward, but to look him in the face. His lips twitched, his eyes flushed instantly. He lowered the ring and put his hand on his leg, to get up. And I whispered the most difficult confession that barely crossed my throat:

– I don’t want to have sex with you. I don’t know why, I don’t understand it, but I don’t want to, I can’t. Sorry.

Simon blinked his eyes and dropped back to his knee.

“But I know it,” he said. – That’s the only reason why you don’t want to marry me?

– The only one? This is, after all, a very important reason. I see, that you’ve been waiting for my move for a year and I’m sorry that I might have deceived you, but I never want to do that.

– Good, because neither am I. Darling, my love… ”Simon stood up and took my face in his hands. – I wasn’t waiting for anything. I was just happy. And I would like to live the rest of my life like that. I don’t know why it turned out so strange with us, but we don’t have to change anything.

– You really don’t need this?

“Really,” he replied.

He wasn’t lying. Even then I could tell when he was lying. I accepted the ring. We had a wedding in late summer. Nobody but us knew that our wedding night was filled with the compilations of the best jokes in the world, or that in the morning we woke up huddled together, still in our wedding clothes.

– Imagine that we are officially a family – Szymon handed me a cup of coffee.

“Crazy,” I smiled.

I confessed, and he breathed a sigh of relief

For three years we were happy in our white marriage, until one day, out of nowhere, it suddenly hit me: i want to get pregnant. I want to have a baby. At dinner, I summoned up my courage and told my husband that I had awakened my maternal instinct and that the matter was serious. Simon listened to me, nodded thoughtfully, then said:

– In fact, I always thought that I would be a father one day. And it seems to me that the time is also right.

– Good idea, good time, but what about … execution? I laughed.

– Adoption?

Not. As soon as he suggested it, I felt that this was not the solution for me. I wanted to have our baby. Half of me, half of Simon. To see in the child the man who was my heart.

They say opposites attract, but in our case it was, well, the opposite. In everything important, we were like two drops of water. The IVF procedure was expensive, we could not justify such an expense with our aversion to sex, so we decided to try to have a baby naturally. Not for passion, not for romance.

“Close your eyes and think about the queen,” I joked as we prepared for rehearsal on Sunday morning.

But even with royal help, we just couldn’t. Physically our bodies refused to cooperate. The excitement touch had the opposite effect, and after just a few minutes we couldn’t stand it, we both burst out laughing, got dressed, and then went back to the council table.

“I don’t want to change the nature of our relationship,” I admitted. – And I feel, if maybe stupid, because we have been married for almost four years, that sex will change something. That we will look at each other differently.

I had one friend who knew what our marriage was like. A year earlier, Kaja gave birth to a daughter after two years of effort and standing on her head – also literally! She knew every home way to increase the chances of successful conception. When she heard about our problem, her eyes lit up.

– Listen, Olka, all is not lost.

It worked the first time

From the recesses of her memory, she pulled out a technique found on one of the women’s forums during many weeks of searching. The women recommended her as a support for the trials, but in our case she could solve the problem in its entirety.

I knew that once Szymon hears the details of the plan, he would not stop laughing for half an hour, and that was what it was. And then we got down to business. The preparations felt more like a culinary adventure than anything else. We decided to try ten times, and if you fail, then look further.

– Go get more sticks! I ordered my husband, staring at the positive pregnancy test result in disbelief.

I checked that day just for a laugh, didn’t expect anything, and I almost choked on excitement. Five more tests confirmed the result. Adaś was born two weeks too early, right after Christmas, changing our plans for the last free New Year’s Eve into dust …

Today, when I look at my teenager, I laugh and remember how I wanted to see half of my husband in him – because my son got into his father so much that I only gave him blonde hay on his head.

After so many years, I think that we are a perfect couple



Sure, we argue sometimes, like any married couple. It happens that one of us, offended, sleeps on the couch in front of the TV. But we never regretted our marriage, it never came to him, betrayal never occurred to me.

I don’t know why there is no chemistry between us – why it never appeared, despite the passage of years and remaining in a monogamous white marriage … But there has always been love. I married my best friend and live with a man for whom I would give my life without blinking an eye.


Most people look at us strangely as if we were different. I know that if they found out the whole truth, they would start gossiping, guessing, suggesting that we should try, that this is an incomplete relationship, that we lose so much, or even that we should try relationships with other people.

And we? We know that we are not losing anything important to us. We are happy and live in harmony with who we are. If someone had assured me that he would “heal” me, I would have sent them to hell. I love Simon, I love our son and our life.

Also read:
“My father called my sister a weed and he didn’t even like her. When she left, he completely cut off contact with her “
“Without my husband’s knowledge, I went for an IVF procedure. Effect? He abandoned me for some lafyrindy, and I became a single mother “
“After my husband died, I hated my own daughter. It was like the skin taken off my father, I couldn’t look at it “